By Blank Theory

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Portishead did it much, much better the first time. You should check out the original.

I would, but it appears that their sample is not on the web.

Dammit, the soundclips on their site don't work. Go here for a clip of the original "Sour Times."

thanks spider.

I'm with Spider on this one, Portishead did it better. One of those songs I hit when I was depressed, made me feel better for some reason. I guess because it made me feel like things could always be worse.

I am so upset -- I can't find my copy of "Dummy" anywhere, and I know I listened to it a few months ago. Maybe it's in my car... They're apparently working on a new album. Yay!

It's funny that the song is cited as an anthem for depressed people. The line goes, "Nobody loves me, it's true....not like you do," but that last part seems to get forgotten. Unless you're in a terrible relationship and you're seeing irony in the line... Anyway.

I think that line sound terribly depressing, the last part makes it even more so.

I like the other version, because it seems to be, well, angrier. I tried to find the Portishead version on Kazaa, but NO ONE had it. I could not find I am Death by Jude either, dammit.

Spunky, if I can find my copy of "Dummy," I will burn it for you and mail it to you.

thank you spider.

Hey, me too, mine seems to have gone missing.

its funny most view portishead as depressing, because, they, to me, hold the same court as mazzy star. and that puts them in the genre of serious music to fuck to. seriously.

Yeah, I hear them more as moody and sultry than depressing.

Yeah, I hear them more as moody and sultry than depressing.

ccccccccccccffffggfcffcfcccccccvcccccccccccccccccccccccccc vbgvfcddxcfvgbvfcdxsdefrgtyhgtfdxsz excuse me, i was cleaning peanut butter off of my keyboard. goddamnit. and i have nothing to say.

are you sure that was peanut butter you got on your keyboard?????

are you sure that was peanut butter you got on your keyboard?????

are you sure that was peanut butter you got on your keyboard?????

DAMMMMMMMMMMMMITTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT

you sick fuck

yeah i'm sure it was peanut butter. i've been aiming semen towards my chest for fifteen years. i'm pretty damn good at it.

ewwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww. Trash can or tissue, nate! Or do all of your shirts have this funny little stain in the middle?

shirts? what shirts?

speaking of ejaculation. i learned a tidbit of info, about a friend close to the family. a bit of info, unlike the usual everyday chit chat. this info obtained in the most intimate of ways. i was telling a friend of my recent fascination with the concept and act of female ejaculation. he then revealed that said friend is one of the rare few woman who can. i had to sit down and smoke. it will be terribly difficult to look at her in the future and not have that thought pass my mind.

Why are you aiming ejaculate at your chest Nate? And Spunky, do you really think semen is that gross? What's your problem? It's not poo.

oh this outta be good.

I want answers.

There are many reasons to aim your ejaculate at your chest. Ease of cleanup is one of them. Aiming at a tissue or trash can as spunky suggested seems more practical, removing a wipe up step, however the range of motion of an erect penis is rather restricted when it comes to hitting targets away from your body. Restricted enough that I've found the purity of the orgasm is compromised. Especially when you are in a reclined or semi-reclined position, which is my favorite for masturbatory activity. Instead, shoot for the chest and grab the towel from under your bed to remove the evidence. Also, when you shoot for your chest you can quickly quantify your product. I've found as I've grown older that I am more and more interested in the output of my body. Semen is no exception. When you've shot all over your chest you can instantly see how much load you blew and how far you blew it. You might, for instance, see that the first ball-squeeze sent a dime sized glob a few inches past your nipple, the second sent a quarter sized glop a few inches past your navel, and the third and subsequent squeezes barely cleared your meatus and are now running down your knuckles and mingling with your bush. If you ballbarf into a tissue you never know how forceful your ejaculation was. Distance is important as, along with quantity, can correlate back to quality of orgasm by which you can grade the quality of the fantasy. Of course, these data must be tempered by what I've termed the orgasm ordinal, that is, where this ejaculation falls in the list of daily ejaculations. It is hard to expect ejaculation #5 to be as powerful and full as ejaculation #1; however, when ejaculation #5 fires off with greater vigor than prior ejaculations for that day, the fantasy that yielded it should be noted! Another contributer to quantity, I've found, is length of activity prior to ejaculation. I've had extrodinairly large ejaculations when very stoned. In these cases I masturbate for extended lengths of time, with intermittant periods of distraction where I pay attention to something non-sexual and loose erection. It would be hyperbole to say I come half a cup in times like this, but goddamn, sometimes it seems like it. Distance seems to be comprimised, however. Sometimes the quality of orgasm, also, as if I recall correctly, the ejaculation can actually preceed the orgasm. Burping out the start of a runny mess prior to a half-assed orgasm pumping the rest out over knuckle and bush. Beyond quantitative measurements such as distance and glob size, such qualitative observations as color and consistancy are valuable additions to my research. I've found that ejaculatory produce is often thicker and more opaque early in the masturbatory schedule, becoming thinner and clearer as the day progresses. This seems wholely unrelated to the degree of fantasy. It isn't all scientific, either. There are many asthetic aspects of ejecatulating on your chest. There is pride of produce, of course. But further, there is something pleasing in the feeling of your hot load landing chestward. "I made this!" you might cry out. And come is a beautiful thing. Nothing in the world feels like come. It is like liquid pearls. And where better to melt your come than on your own chest? To have it clarify and liquify and run down your side? Come is nature's come. Don't you doubt it.

That was beautiful.

shit. im in hysterics. i read this with Andre 3000's "Happy Valentine's Day". Perfect. not that you asked me pez (when has that stopped me before right?), but nate's point of view is pretty universal. ejaculate is fascinating stuff. especially noting the distance and quantity. you can't conceal your actions if you jizz on the sheets, shirt or clothes. any woman in her right mind knows a jizz stain when she sees one. anticpating ejaculate with a tissue-catchers mitt just isnt sexy and seems a bit puritanical in its practicality. prior to reading nate's post i was going to say, short of getting a ruler out, your own body is great, familiar measuring stick. More than quantity, im particularly interested in distance. When you go great distances, its a testament to your passion and a healthy prostate. and to add, as he says, you can't exactly aim a boner towards your knee caps. and to further add clarity, your question....its kinda like me asking why you squeeze your legs when come. you just do. often thats just where the nozzle is pointing at the moment of impact, the chest that is. Spread. Spread for me.

Well, it's a question, and the juxtoposition of Nate's and Spunky's statements is a wonderful contrast. I like it when there's some cum on my chest, particularly if I'm giving a handjob. It's a substance I haven't had tons of contact with and it's interesting. I don't understand why somebody would instantly want to wipe it up.

dude. you know watcher is gonna follow that post up with a "mhmmmmmmhuhhhhhhh mmmmmm" type post. you know the kind. the kind that creep you out? when the midnight chill hits the 'produce' after a few moments its time to wipe.

i wish nico hadnt taken her laptop to france. id love to follow this conversation after a few glasses of wine and a blow on my hash pipe. eva and i are getting tired of watching the history channel.

The Watcher is somebody I can ignore at times.

Ok... Where to begin here. First I guess I will congradulate Nate on his ability with words, and also his ability to force me to spew Mt.Dew all over my keyboard and force myself to clean it. Second, Portland next stop. Third, over all I can't agree with the chest shot thing. Granted the theory is sound, and I like Nate's reasoning for all of it. But my thing is, I've got a hairy chest, and its a bitch to get all that jizz out of the hair without some residual stickyness. I am more of a sport cum slinger. I aim for the straight up and land on my hand masturbation style. This can get tricky sometimes depending on viscosity, force behind the projectile, and mere amount of fluid in general. I've gotten pretty good at it over the years, most of the time I can land all of it back on top of the hand commiting the act. And then manuver said hand for the wipe. As for the interesting qualities of semen, I suppose it is quite an interesting fluid. I mean it does change its viscosity, color, odor, and amount released on a regular basis. Not to mention, taste. Now don't get me wrong, I can't say that I've ever tasted jizz, but I have conducted long studies including many women on the varying taste of sperm in gereral. Most of what I've found is that garlic although good for your body most of the time, makes jizz taste very bad. However certain fruits, like cranberries, and strawberries (esp. with some sugar added.) can make the taste of the semen better to a certain degree. Oh and on this subject, along with garlic, asparigus is a no no as far as jiz taste goes. Stick with suguary fruits, pinapple being one of the most popular with the subjects tested. Oh and on another point, one which I'm sure Nate would agree. Let the boys swing, tight undies are bad for you and your boys. Go commando, your sperm will love you for it.

I dont get much range anymore, so it is more of a local clean up job then anything else.... Quanity is up, arc is non-existant. Is that a product of daily activity, the snipping, or age? I guess my auto-response on the "ickiness" is a throw back from my child hood and getting caught by my mom. Holy Hell. And Hal, I cannot stand briefs anymore. Boxers or nothing. They start hurting if they are constricted.

The only time i wear briefs is in the gym. Which is a situation where you want your boys to be safely tucked away. I'm not even going to touch the whole jism thing. Suffice to say, i don't get cum on either my body or my sheets (I'm with Hal on the hair issue).

[speechless] Um... Gosh, I had no idea the operation was so involved for you guys. *cough* Being a girl is so much easier. (Hey, do you like my Patrick-style post?)

i have a friend who is insistant that he doesnt want his sack to his knees when he's 50 so he wears bikini briefs. its not so much that the operation is involved spider. its just obvious. this thing and all its 'produce' is right there. do something practially all your life, you get to know it. and i post this way to add emphasis to my thoughts. the space represents the pause i take to type. the bigger the space. the bigger the pause. usually.

pez, I don't mind being ignored. I find you facinating though. I actually have no comment on the subject. I got a very good chuckle though.

It sounds like he needs a testacular bra.

i will freely admit that i've tasted jizz. i would reckon most men have. i tasted jizz for a very practical reason. when you're faced with negotiating blowjob ettiqute with your woman of choice, you want to negotiate from a knowledgable position. if the woman says "it's nasty, it is the most nasty, foul substance that has ever crossed my lips," you want to be able to call her bluff. "it really isn't that bad, honey." "how would you know?" <wink><wink>. beyond that, how can you ask someone to eat something you wouldn't eat yourself? it is just poor manners. the mouth feel of semen is odd. i will be the first to admit it. and the taste, well, i imagine it is an aquired taste. but on the other hand, there is nothing on earth quite like it. ergo, a delicacy. and often delicacies are aquired taste. but aren't you so happy once you've learned to enjoy them? learned to decern their subtle nuances? semen is a magical substance. it should be swallowed with relish straight from the cock. it should be licked from the lips with a smile. whatever lips, wherever they are. it should be sucked from the small of the back and passed to an eager mouth in a passionate kiss. it should be massaged into a sticky foam on fine breasts. its odor should permeate the post-orgasmic glow, where two bodies, slick with sweat and semen, are held together to the extent of either's strength, forming a single entity. semen is life to be cherished. it existed in a wash before any one of us. it decorated the halls in celebration of the first light of each of our existance. o, semen! thy light doth illume the darkest of alleys, and herald the coming of miracles! o, semen! how i celebrate thee! in thy existance we are unbound and rendered free!

Oh, alright just one real comment. nate, you need a woman.

no he doesnt. can't you see he's perfectly entertained by himself? pez....the bikini brief is his ball bra. my friend thinks if you go your adult life wearing boxers or going commando, the sack will sag and by the time your 60, short of getting a cargo net to hoist the boys up your junk is hanging out of your bermuda shorts on the golf course.

I refuse to believe that the presence of a woman would stop Nate from posting critical analyses of male auto-eroticism.

It would probably even enhance it.

nate, you are SO not helping my current cause I am championing with my wife, then again maybe you are.... Either way, I ain't tasting it.

You can swallow without tasting. So I've heard.

spunk, spunk, spunk. fear of experience is limiting your enjoyment of life. i promise you that, friend. i was thinking about tasting semen while i was taking a crap (kazu: singleton, ~6-7", ~2" dia tapering to ~0.5", smooth texture, even consistancy and light brown coloration.) while the first time i tasted my own come was during a solo mission, the vast majority of times i've tasted my own come has been with a partner in crime. and of those times, nearly all have been as the pearl forms on the bud of the rose, if you catch my drift. i mean, what do you do post-ejaculation while you're waiting for the next erection to pony up (so to speak?) say "bitch, get me a glass of milk," and then flip on sportscenter? hell no. this is a perfect opportunity to work a little tongue magic and time her next set of convulsive orgasms to coincide with the reemergance of your rigid jason priestly. and it isn't like you're going to snap the summer's eve off your bat-utility belt and give her a quick blow out. when you part the lips of the queen of heaven you're going to find your legions of millions have taken up residence in the oral orgasm firmament. ah shit, fuck you all.

"reemergance of your rigid jason priestly" this is classic sorabji. im just waiting for cat to pop back in. thanks nate

lovely writing, but I just cannot get past the idea of having my own jism in my mouth. Eri refuses to kiss me after I have worked my tounge magic.

"Eri refuses to kiss me after I have worked my tounge magic." That is the saddest thing I have ever heard.

shame tis a shame. the kiss of all kisses is the kiss after the uh, kiss. both ways. eitherway. you can still feel the lips vibrate.

That's sad. Tongue magic kisses are some of the best kind. I guess that's something you'll have to miss out on when you're being clinical.

that is sad. but at least the fear of secretions is balanced. any woman who won't kiss you after, i mean, you have to wonder, "what does she know?" well, what does she know beyond what everyone knows. that those lovely juices are cervical mucus. mmMMMM. cervix-d-licious. that is one of the big arguments about the whole swallow issue. the female come-analogue is generally flowing in quantity before your tongue first slips between her labia. (assuming, of course, you've been talking her up and teasing her, kissing her neck and her nipples and running your tongue over all those X marks the spots you discovered in those first tender encounters of your relationship.) so, your tongue slips between her labia and flicks the air just above her clit and your finger slips in and she is moaning "mmm nate you make me wet like no one else" and you're humming your encouragement into the delicate trumpet of her flower and- what is she doing? producing. she is producing more mucus by orders of magnitude than you could ever launch from your cock in any given orgasm (short of taking a syringe and pumping your prostate full of of bull semen. but people who do that generally have trouble finding a woman's lips to circle their glans.) and what are you doing? you're swallowing it. what else can you do? you're focusing on the divine goal of her pleasure, you're not thinking about how you're going to end up with a gallon of girl goo in your gut. and hell, it is kind of cool anyway. but it is the come-analogue! she shouldn't flinch at a half tablespoon of your gummy! i once dated a girl who would stop bobbing my knobbins the moment she tasted semen. as in, at first sign of pre-come. what the hell is the point of that? oral sex becomes a lesson in frustration. well, for me, anyway. she was trading a jar of skippy and a spoon for my divine knowledge and masterful execution of endless sushi pleasure. a spoon of peanutbutter and not even a glass of fucking milk. so you enter into this lack of balance and lack of willingness and it just corrupts the whole interaction with the godhead. church is in session but everyone is sleeping. you start thinking about getting yours instead of keeping your focus where it should be. giving hers. bringing her pleasure because she is a queen who deserves your every servitude.

People who I don't understand: (1) Those that won't go down. (2) Those who refuse to kiss after the other has gone down. These generally tend to be the same people. Moments in surreal me-land: "Hello?" "Hi. How are you?" "I'm doing alright.... Who are you?" "Your long-lost lover!" Either it was a prank or I just hung up on Hal.

After this thread, I would bet on Hal........ We are exploring right now. Kind of going through a second honeymoon phase. Remember, we got married with a kid already here, so there was not much of that after the wedding. Anyway, eri got a Silver Bullet for hosting a toy party. Wow!

Wasn't me, I was sleeping. Tasted it this morning before bed, Nates right, its an aquired taste. But shit it didn't make me want to vomit or anything, it was just salty and a little sweet. I've been not allowed to kiss a woman after splitting the proverbial split with my tounge. I was rather dissapointed in that person as a whole because they expected me to be kissin her after she sucked the rod of Hal. It did make me wonder, what did she know that she wasn't sharing? I mean I don't know about how much girl goo I swallow but I know I get it all over my face. NOT to mention the fact that I have facial hair, and it goes there too. I love it personally, going down that is. Its an artform past time that I unfourtunatly don't get to do quite as much as I'd like to. I don't know its like guys who think that the woman they are with should just give them blow jobs at random times. Personally, I could care less. Although if I'm with a woman I would like the ablity to just randomly lift her skirt and go to town, and then when over smile and walk away like nothing happened. In a perfect world maybe. Pez, I'm not long lost, I'm not yet found. That and any time I've called you I'm a timid nervous freak for like 2 minutes before I can complete a sentance. Newp, was out cold for very many hours today, I think the jizz tasting induced it.

OK, that isn't quite my bullet, but close enough I guess. The toy I really want, well, it's a little pricey. Hehe. At the local store it costs $129.99. Through "Fun Knight" it only costs $50. Too bad. It's a butterfly that sits up against me, but it has a wireless remote control. The things that go into my mind :) I am enjoying this second honeymoon phase of things, trying new things, it's all good. Maybe I will end up closer to that catholic schoolgirl image that Spunky has of me.

OK, is this closer?

Butterfly

So is it phone phobia or intimidation? The butterfly looks cute, but I wouldn't use it solo. Of course you don't have to worry about that. I've got a water dancer and a gummy bunny attachment. The ears feel a little good but I don't use the attachment much. When I was masturbating last night I "took note" of my leg movements just before... In addition to squeezing legs together there's also roll out, sort of like going into first position. Sometimes my feet get really hot too.

I reckon sperm tastes like alfa sprouts. I won't eat them but I will suck cock. Pez I do that too - I actually prefer to masterbate on my stomach - don't know why, always have.

You rang Patrick? Sperm lickin' good stories make me smile.

If you really want to grin, go back and re-read all of Nate's posts but imagine Bush is reading it off a TelePrompTer.

I sooooo wanna hear Bush say "mmMMMM. cervix-d-licious." What a funny mental picture....but he has to say it with his thick Texas accent.

Har!

Cat, Actually I rang. See here http://bbs.sorabji.com/messages/669/7872.html?WednesdaySeptember2420030843pm

Only people I've seen nakey may ring my bell. It's a kinda rule I have and I believe the UN has also adopted it.

Does lots of visible chest hair count?

Well, hell, darlin' don't you know us 'Muricans don't hold with that there YOO-ENH cowflops? Th' only things with blue helmets we stand up and salute 'round these parts is in our PANTS. Ma'am.

"The butterfly looks cute, but I wouldn't use it solo." You'd use it with another person or other toys?

That's a good question Hal. I just think it would be kinda cool to be wearing that thing, Spunky having the remote control in say his pocket, at like a formal dinner for his work or something.

i admit that for some time i've been thinking that it is my mission to think of a proper name for the Sorabji book. That would be every post, ever, printed in book form. Of course this won't ever happen, but i like to think of a good title, something from a post. My front-runners are: -"lets hear it for the approved receptacle!!" -"sounds like a good old fashioned family Christmas to me" -"Ben Afflec in crushed tablet form" -"Because commas cost money, dave. DO I LOOK LIKE I'M MADE OF MONEY" and now, -"reemergance of your rigid jason priestly" thank you and good night.

I vote for the Ben Afflec one

I should warn ya that most of the butterflies and those type of toys I have seen are VERY loud, so you can't get the discreet dinner party fun, or, uh, whatever you are looking for. Maybe that one is better because it's so expensive, but it's something to think about with toys you want to use discreetly. Uhm, yeah. Anyway. Back to the brownies with me I think.

this is probably morally bankrupt, but the story that ran through my mind when i first read about the butterfly on this thread involved a long car trip and the kids in the back seat somehow getting their hands on the remote control. eri gets a shocked look on her face, glances at spunk, he's calmly driving. giggles from the back seat.

im in need a 2nd or 3rd "honeymoon". if the girl would just stay on this continent long enough. has anyone every noticed the weird fluttering in your eyeballs...kinda like the sensation that you're looking at something ridiculously bright after being in the dark when you make your produce? it doesn't happen often, but every now and then. and i have to wonder if this is where the myth of going blind from spanking your monkey came from.

im in need a 2nd or 3rd "honeymoon". if the girl would just stay on this continent long enough. has anyone every noticed the weird fluttering in your eyeballs...kinda like the sensation that you're looking at something ridiculously bright after being in the dark when you make your produce? it doesn't happen often, but every now and then. and i have to wonder if this is where the myth of going blind from spanking your monkey came from.

Yes, Patrick, it's a girl thing too I believe.

I have a friend who has that butterfly. Know as our toy peddler. She had it on and her hubby had the remote one night at this pub we all meet at once a week (well, I don't go once a week, but still). So she's wearing it, with a group of 30 people. Her hubby decided to pass the remote around the table of approx. 30 people. It was an interesting night. He just told them to play with the remote and watch her......... I will get it as soon as I figure out how to get ahold of that much cash for a toy. I'll inform you of the noise level as soon as I know :p Patrick, good luck on the second or third honeymoon, but they are nice. Maybe things will slow down soon and you will have some good time together.

"That would be every post, ever, printed in book form. Of course this won't ever happen..." Since when? It could happen very easily...

If you like, wisper, I could format all of the posts on sorabji as a PDF file. YOu could probably take it to any publisher and get a hardback book printed. In fact, most printshops, like Kinkos, sill do this. Just say the word.

When and if I ever get married... Thats what I want, a Sorabji tribute book.

do that tiggy

The title HAS to be something the Swine wrote. I suggest "Hell, I'd eat your baby even if it wasn't a Pepperidge Farm product."

Sounds like gold to me.

It would probably be a several volume work. Why have it bound at Kinkos? I offer my longstitch skillz.

hey. that's the first time i read most of that thread what do i have to say? christ.

Christ what?

On a stick.

hey! yes yes anti, we all know you have everything saved somewhere and could send it out on a little tiny business card-size cd. You offered me that for xmas or something, remember? but i mean it's impossible because 1)how would you update it. Send a volume of the year's posts every new years eve? that's the key. 2)who would buy it? or how much would it cost? 3)how would you get all the links? Unless it was a "book" of Acrobat files. Or HTML files. Still, you would have to go and find every pic or page we ever linked to. And the page numbers of every other thread we mention. Or supply a cd of jpeg and quicktime files like an Appendix A type thing. 4)for the love of god man, what about the WAYD?!?! is that it's own book? Like the Hobbit is to LOTR? it's hypothetical, ya bastid. and i thought a swine title would be too obvious.

does jason priestly wear boxers or briefs. please let me know at dmc2696@yahoo.com

briefs.

BEHOLD! above lies the wedding gift that Hal wants. Creepy.

The... Oh.

i cannot believe people took the time to write such lengthy emails describing ejaculate!!! geez!!!!!!!! (or should I say - - jizzz) What have we resorted to - - ??