| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
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i was in a great mood on friday. then woke up pissed off on saturday. spent saturday alone at my house all day trying to get out of a foul mood, just generally feeling angry and bitter, and by bed time was feeling okay again. sunday i woke up happy and in a great mood, had a great day with glen, but right before bedtime i sunk back into a foul mood, was in a foul mood all night long, and woke up just feeling generally ornary, pissed off, and angry and just fucking foul foul foul. and it's monday. ugh. |
Do you think it's hormone/illness-related? Were you thinking about anything in particular while you felt angry? |
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it's complicated. and that it's complicated makes me that much more furious. friday was a day off. glen took the day off and we went hiking. then we had dinner at my house later with m and k. we all drank and ate too much. saturday i was supposed to go to yoga, then come home and get A an J and head off to a music festival. i was hung over and arrived at what is my favorite yoga class to find a subsitute teacher. it's supposed to be a level 3 class, but she essentially taught a level 1 class, and it pissed me off because i knew my regular teacher got a sub because she was going to the same music festival that i was going to, but when i asked her the weekend before, she assured me she would be teaching before going to the music festival. well, i allowed this whole drama to unfold internally about the violation of my expectations of my yoga class. i didn't get the workout i was expecting or that my body *craved*, so i came home and A was there waiting for me, and i was just ornary and pissed off, so instead i went for a 45 minute jog. still felt pissed off and angry, and the weather was cloudy and threatening rain, and i knew i couldn't sit at the music festival and enjoy myself because i was feeling so utterly shitty. so i canceled on A and J, which kinda pissed them off a bit, and i felt bad, but i would have been a big pain in the ass all day anyway. i managed to calm myself down with a 2-hour nap followed by 3 hours of intense house cleaning. then i sat on my front porch and read and went to bed early. sunday i woke up in a great mood. i met up with glen at noon. he took me out for lunch and we spent the rest of the day at the austin nature center. it was great. later we had dinner and wine at my house, but parts of the conversation we had made me feel sour. sour about love, sour about relationships, sour about the utterly absurd process of dating. i managed to put on a good face until glen went home, but by the time i went to bed i was angry and frustrated and sad and wishing ONCE AGAIN that i had stuck to my resolution not to date (or try dating) anyone, because it's NOT FUN, in fact, it's agonizing and ridiculous and demeaning. how can i get it to stick? i'm having the same difficulty with alcohol consumption. i don't drink every day, but i've been drinking too much too often. i keep doing it, even though the results are always negative, and take me down a path that goes in the opposite direction of where i want to go. it detracts from my ability to be a good servant, to be healthy and mindful and happy. it lowers my self esteem and makes me panicky the next day. there are these addictions, i guess, and they used to not be there, and i can't seem to find my way back to the place i used to be, where i was motivated to avoid them, where eating and drinking and dating were non issues, because life was full of everything else. sorry. you asked. |
why does it have to be about "dating". Why can it just be about hanging out. You like to hang out with some, with others you don't. slap the married guy because what does he know, but your situation, to me, on the outside seems like chinese finger cuffs. its gray here. yesterday was fantastic. the inlaws left and we three spent the afternoon in the house napping together, watching hockey and grilling out. saturday i finally bought a weber and the inlaws cooked out with us, but eva was being an absolute demon. she cried for two hours straight. she was inconsolable. it took a 16 mile drive on the freeway to finally put her out. ordinarily it takes 2. her mother and i, after the inlaws went back to their hotel, hung out under the stars with a lantern i bought with the grill, drank wine. i smoked a joint for the first time in weeks. we both got tipsy, laughed and made out in the yard with a lantern under the orange tree until midnight and then made out some more on the couch. eva slept for 5 hours after her tirade, ate and went right back to sleep. i would hate to think what kind of mood we would be in if we didnt blow off some of that steam. |
Sarah, what was different about your life then? (Were you living in Hawaii? Did you have different interests/hobbies? Did you have better [happier] friendships?) Is there something in specific you can point to and say, "I had that, and I was happy, and without that, I'm not happy"? It could be that it was the thwarting of your plans (yoga, music festival) that upset you -- that happens to me. In fact, last Sunday, I was expecting to do something very specific, and I was really emotionally invested in the thing...and at the very last minute (literally), my plans had to change. I was incredibly, irrationally upset about it for several days. |
What did glen say? The only time I have ever enjoyed dating was when I first tried the internet personal thing and just went out on a series of amusing first dates. When I tried to actually "meet" someone, it just got stupid and frustrating. I found that I much prefer being a one-date wonder than a two/three date wonder. Anyway... It may not have been the thwarting of your plans that set you off, although stuff like that really bugs the shit out of me. It seems like having what usually calms you down and does your body good thwarted brought other things to the surface. I know exactly how you feel about getting back to where you used to be. Part of the problem is that what got you to a good place at one point in your life isn't an option this time around. Being in a new place, you have to find new ways. It sucks. I hate the funks. I've been all kinds of cranky lately and I feel like I just keep saying, "everything will be fine when this week/month/semester is over" and then I get to the end and there is just more crap to deal with...I never feel like I am in a place where I can actually change things. |
is this due to dishonesty on one or both parties? |
It happened this weekend. Originally S (my friend) was going to drive down on Saturday morning and then we were going to go out dancing on Saturday night, and then have an easter egg hunt with the kids on Sunday and she was going to head back about noon. I got in touch with her on Friday and she said she was going to go back on Satruday afternoon. Fucked up our plans. Made plans for Saturday night with someone else. Then, she got in about midnight (Saturday morning/ friday night, whatever) and we went out right after she got there. Then we stayed up and talked as long as we could. Fell asleep, woke up 4 hours later, went shopping a little bit, and she fell asleep on my couch in my living room and then talked to her asshole boyfriend/fiance for like hours and we got to talk on the phone to her kids, we ate dinner,she went to bed, and woke me up at 4am Sunday to help her load her car to go home. I had tons of fun with her, when we were out, though I didn't get to do anything planned, and even though we went out I still didn't get to go dancing. My plans for Saturday night fell through, I don't know why yet, cuz I havent' heard from her. All day yesterday I was in this funk where I couldn't figure ANYTHING out for myself. What did I want for my birthday dinner? What did I want to do? What movie do I want to watch? I couldn't figure it out, cuz everything sounded yucky or boring. Then to make it worse, I got a "visitor" to make me physically hurt too. I blame part of it on the murky grey ugly weather we have been having, too. |
Kazoo, have you ever read/seen Tennessee Williams' "Summer and Smoke"? (There's a troubled character who feels like she won't last the summer, and her friend tells her that she'll get through the summer day by day and before she knows it it will be fall, and she'll be saying "I won't make it through the fall.") What you said reminded me of that, is all. When I was younger, I perpetually felt like my life was in flames around me. It's funny because those feelings lasted for years -- my life just kept burning. It never completely burned down. Now I feel like that Radiohead line: "I'm not living, I'm just killing time." I HATE this. I will be 25 this year, and where am I? |
i know exactly what you're talking about. That happens to me all the time. It's uncontrolable rage. |
is this due to dishonesty on one or both parties?" It's not always that simple. It's not always about dishonesty...Sometimes people are selfish and mean...other times they just realize it's not going to work. Sometimes people lead each other on...other times things come up that change things. There are several times I've had my "hopes dashed" One was just "I'm sorry but I just don't feel that strongly about you" (perfectly reasonable) Another time it was all tears and I love you until one weekend he called and said, "I fucked someone else but I think you're great and no one deserves to fall in love more than you do" (blatant dishonesty, but he was one really fucked up individual) I'm better for it and I knew I would be, but that doesn't make it any less painful and frustrating. I don't know that story Spider. "When I was younger, I perpetually felt like my life was in flames around me. It's funny because those feelings lasted for years -- my life just kept burning. It never completely burned down" That quote reminded me of the movie Clue when Mrs White said, "flames on the side of my face, breathing, heaving breaths..." |
the married guy will shut up now, but i maintain the chinese finger cuff equation. |
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no, you're right. the chinese finger torture analogy works for me. i've long given up on the idea of fireworks and poetry and fate and all that crap. for quite a while now i've found the greatest joy in allowing myself and my life to fade and blend like pale watercolors into the background of a complicated world full of people with complicated agendas and expectations and needs. i used to be one of them. i used to thrive on the drama and complexity of life. it made me feel energized, beautiful, desired, and important. but of course, that's all just illusion. because every single one of us is ordinary - we are all the average composite of every other human on this planet. there is no such thing as an extraordinary life. i've discovered my own Zen Zone. it's not lonely, it's not sad or pitiful, it's not discreet. it's all about simplicity and beauty and surrender. and i have these very knee-jerk reactions to anything or anyone that interferes with that simplicity, so i guess the lesson is to learn to stay flexible, gentle, and soft. because that's the only way to get your fingers out of the cuffs. |
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Referring to two characters who are long time married, Karel and Marketa: "Was she jealous? "Once upon a time she had been. Yes, when they had first fallen in love. But that was years ago. Now what she felt as jealousy was really only habit. "To put it another way, every love relationship is based on unwritten conventions rashly agreed upon by the lovers during the first weeks of their love. On the one hand, they are living a sort of dream; on the other, without realizing it, the are drawing up the fine print of their contracts like the most hard-nosed of lawyers. O lovers! Be wary during those perilous first days! If you serve the other party breakfast in bed, you will be obliged to continue the same in perpetuity or face charges of animosity and treason!" Not making any judgements, I just thought it was a nice neat take on love. this is the first book ive read by this cat...ive seen the movie Unbearable Lightness of Being but I think i smoked too much weed to really remember anything distinct. |
I LOVE that book. |
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Patrick, I don't if you remember this, but I suddenly did. A while ago (3 years?), we had a discussion about bodily fluids and disgust, and nudity, and stuff like that.....I remember that I mentioned the last book of "Laughter and Forgetting" in the discussion. Let me see if I can dig that up. |
heh. double anal fisting. |
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What is "The Joke" about? I read one of Kundera's books a few years ago that was about a birthday party (or involved a man going to a child's birthday party), and now I can't remember the title. Does that sound like "the Joke"? |
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thanks patrick. david sylvian wrote a song called Laughter and Forgetting, probably based on that book. i don't know you guys. there's so much i want to talk about. i don't feel like i have the capacity to really and truly fall in love again, like i did with kevin. and when things were good between us, they were perfect. i'm talking happily ever after dream-world perfect. everything from the way we related, the way we felt, the trust and honesty and tons of laughs, to mutual interests, the sex. and i felt loved for exactly who i was and understood by him. i like glen. i've generlly liked all the guys i've dated since kevin. but the *feeling* isn't there, not the same as it was with kevin. i see them all much more objectively and feel like they also view me objectively. like it's not about love, it's about *criteria*. and there's nothing wrong with glen, and so i guess that's good enough. romantic relationships should be based at least in part or perhaps mostly on some sort of object ben franklin balance sheet. because if it goes long-term, you're going to have LIVE with each other. you know what i'm saying? but then there's this other thing. there's kelly. and this is the weird part, the thing that kept me from sleeping all through the night last night. the thing that doesn't make any sense. so i haven't thought at all about kelly in the last 7-8 months, even though when i first met him, before we even spoke, there was this huge KA-ZAM between us, right when he walked into the room. he just wasn't interested, never followed up after that, and life went on. but i've seen him twice now since i've been dating (dating?) glen. and last night was one of them. it was an accident. glen called me just as i was getting back from dropping off Darryenne and said that marrilee was picking up a movie and did i want to come over? well, after debating it (i really wanted to just curl up in bed and read my book) i decided to go over there just to stop by for a minute to give glen the car cover seats and give marrilee some CDs that she left at my house. then i would go home. so i drove the 2 miles to glen's, walked in the front door, and there was glen and marrilee and kelly. there was no mention of kelly on the phone. he lives next door, maybe he just stopped by, i don't know. but when i saw him there, i just got filled up with this *feeling*, this KA-ZAM, and i got nervous and self conscious and fidgety. i want to stare at him and talk to him and get to know him and just be around him. there's this electricity, this dance. i don't know what it is. so i ended up staying for a while and we watched the movie and afterward we sat around talking and glen was really touchy-feely with me in front of them and i was able to sort of relax. i'm with glen. that's that. but it doesn't explain why i feel the way i feel around kelly. why with him it has NOTHING to do with criteria and everything to do with chemistry. i don't care about any sort of checklist when i look at him - i don't ask myself questions like would he be a good father? provider? lover? do we have common interests? what's his family background? what are his morals and goals? does he do drugs? etc. all i know is that i want to be around him. this is how it was with kevin, and still is to some degree. the only difference is that the criteria part of a relationship with kevin didn't muster up. it was never that i stopped loving him, it was only that the fundamental objective parts of the relationship didn't match up or failed. so in the end, you can have all the KA-ZAM in the world, but if practical stuff doesn't work between you, you're fucked. so i'm seeing glen again tonight, and meeting his daughter on saturday, and the criteria matches up and we have fun together and we haven't slept together yet, so maybe he has a really tiny dick in which case everything is moot, but i couldn't sleep last night because all i could think about was kelly. and that's just childish and stupid. |
fooey! |
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no, it is stupid. it's a dumb little crush, like i used to get in 9th grade. kelly is probably one of those terminally "emotionally unavailable" types. the kind who wants a virgin whore with a ph.d. to live in the hawaiian jungle with him and raise his babies. the kind who plays games without even knowing it. that's probably why i'm attracted to him. kelly is one of glen's best friends, and i'm dating glen (for now...) and so kelly is off limits. period. but we're going to keep bumping into one another and hanging out, so maybe over time we'll get to know each other better, and i'd like that. it's clear that when we're together we have a lot to talk about. i can see a certain something in his eyes, the way he looks at me, and they way he doesn't look at me. but it is what it is, and i'm not going there. i'm too old and have been through it enough to know not to play out that drama. KA-ZAM isn't enough. maybe nothing is enough. my point is, i'm starting to think that the simplest and therefore the best way to determine the worth of pursuing a romantic relationship has little to do with romance and everything to do with criteria. that's how things are in the Zen Zone. objective and simple and detached. but also elegant and beautiful and hopeful. |
The dependable guy vs. the exciting guy. For what it's worth, in the books, the girls always went with the exciting guy. Then again, Stella Kowalski went with the exciting guy in "A Streetcar Named Desire" and look what happened to her. Then again, my mother went with the dependable guy, and look what happened to *her.* I'm useless. |
whereas i know considerably more about glen and like him well enough and maybe there's enough there objectively for us to get married, have babies, or whatever. i don't know. but i also know that when i look at glen, it's all about criteria, and when i look at kelly, it has nothing to do with criteria. |
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no. |
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because i'm with glen, and i can't "get to know" kelly with any sort of purpose. i can't have it even be anything close to a situation where i'm comparing. i'm with glen. if things do work between us, i don't want to create a reality wherein i'm secretly indulging false fantasies about his best friend. that's not fair. and if things don't work out between me and glen, it should be for the right reasons, because we're not well-matched, but not because i have some stupid chemistry-based crush on one of his best friend. kelly is just some guy. KA-ZAM is a mysterious but spurious variable of life, and it means nothing. it's just noise. that's the way it has to be. |
That is the silliest thing I have ever heard. I'm not saying that you should do anything in particular with either of this guys but personally, I can't imagine a long-term relationship without both chemistry and stability. I don't cling to any stupid idealistic notions of romance; I never did, but I don't have the energy or patience to bother with people that aren't stimulating. Every close relationship I have outside of my family involves chemistry of some kind. It's not always about sex and desire, it's about that thing that makes people compatible in any situation. "it should be for the right reasons, because we're not well-matched, but not because i have some stupid chemistry-based crush on one of his best friend" How well-matched could you be if you have a crush on someone else? Seriously. If you want to keep getting to know glen, fine. If you want to ignore Kelly, that's fine too. But I guarantee that repressing the need/desire for KA-ZAM will emerge sooner or later. |
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ever since i started dating glen i started getting my period every 29 days exactly. this has not happened since i was in high school. in fact, except for one year between 21-22 years old when i never stopped bleeding, i never bled at all for most of my adult life. so now i seem to be bleeding regularly and my hormones make me insane. i mean, completely and utterly insane. i had forgotten i was about to get my period, and even thought for a few days last week that i might be pregnant. i ate myself into oblivion on sunday, got violent and bashed out two panes in one of the windows of my house, and laid in bed comatose all day monday, only getting out of bed when mother nature called, to pour myself a cup of tea, and then finally to post once on sorabji from my housemate's computer. i barely made it to work yesterday. and i was panicking about being fat and insane, when i have this great date to look forward to on friday, so i popped a prozac leftover from well over a year ago, and popped another one this morning. but it was just my period. my fucking hormones. fuck fuck fuck. |
I have been ravenous for the past week, have gained 6 pounds in these 7 days, and it's not even time for PMS yet. |
how can you even consider that significant of anything when its possible we fluctate 1-5lbs at any given time? im just curious cause that seems a little wacky to me. |
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are you still losing weight on the low carb deal? i will not take birth control. i just won't. i appreciate the recommendation, but i've tried every hormonal elixer known to human kind and all it does is amplify the already horrible symptoms and does nothing to alleviate anything. |
Yesterday, I tried to control my carbs, but I had run out of groceries and had to make a sandwich for dinner, and this morning I ate something else I shouldn't have. My discipline waxes and wanes. For a while, I felt as though I could eat grilled chicken and broccoli 3 times a day indefinitely without caring -- it was like my tastebuds were dead. Then I felt like if I didn't eat some bread or something sweet at least once a day, I was going to go crazy. Now I want nothing more than to make a huge pan of lasagna and eat it in one sitting. Good thing I don't have a lasagna pan. I hear you on the birth control thing. After I typed that post, I thought, well, hell, maybe I should go back on it if it's that good for you....but no way. The year I was on it was the worst year I have ever had, in terms of my mood swings and rages. |
oh but i miss them.... every day.... i had to go buy tampons last month. I haven't had any tampons around for 3 years. Reality set in, it was quite depressing. It's going to be normal now, everything like it was 3 years ago. I'm sane again thought, and that counts for something. But sanity ain't going to replace the pairs of undies i'm going to lose. |
she stopped taking the pill after many years ( i guess thats obvious by now right?). ironically, while taking it (and trying several vartieties) she never really wanted to have sex. she felt like shit andwas more prone to other exclusive bad female syndromes. seemed counterproductive to both of us, so she ditched and is for the better since. |
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i dreamt all last night that i was bleeding puddles all over the place, and in pain, and i asked glen to get me some pain medicine. he got a couple different kinds of pills and cast them like runes onto the bed and read them, meanwhile i had to run to the bathroom to deal with the uncontrollable blood. and then i dreamt that i was drunk driving and my arms were stuck and i couldn't control the steering wheel and was veering into oncoming traffic. |
i didn't end up seeing Greg friday night, instead we got together last night at this cafe on 4th street. he made a pretty big production out of the 5-questions game. he had 10 envelopes with him - 5 red and 5 blue - and each envelope contained a 3x5 card on which was written a question. the red envelopes contained sex-related questions and the blue envelopes contained personal/intellectual/spiritual questions. we did the questioning in rounds, with me asking first. when it was my turn, i had to pick an envelope. by the time it was over i answered six questions, rather than five. three from the red pile and three from the blue pile. he asked really good, thoughtful, thought-provoking questions. the blue questions were: - what are you looking for? - what do you do to endear yourself to other people? - what do you think of me so far? the red questions were: - what can't you stand being done to you? - what is an unfulfilled fantasy? - where is your secret spot? i saved my "if i agreed to go home with you tonight and fuck your brains out question" til the very end. it totally caught him off-guard, which pleased me. i asked the question in two parts. would you take me home even if you thought i wasn't the right girl for you? and would you take me home if you thought perhaps i could be the right girl for you? he answered "no" to both. and i believed him. it was a fun game. and in the end it wasn't about being clever or cutting edge or to make me judge him a certain way. it was about his intolerance for the whole typical inane process of dating and getting to know someone over lunch or dinner, where do you live, what do you do for a living, what's your favorite color, etc type of paradigm. he's very smart, very real, and is a no-bullshit, what you see is what you get kind of person. at least that's my initial take on him. but he's also the kind of person who isn't looking for the easy answer. he's a person of depth, but not complication. intellectually it seems we have a lot in common. that and the love of motorcycles. other than that, i'm not sure we many other common interests. i'm crunchier than he is. he's very urban. the date lasted 2.5 hours, then we went on a quick ride on his motorcycle, then he dropped me off at my car. two innocent smooches, and we parted ways. he left to go out of town for work today and i'm going to california on vacation thursday, so we'll see what happens when we both get back next week. i went straight from that date over to kevin's house. i needed advice from him - from someone who knows me and understands me really well - about my new residence situation coming up august first. i have to move and am debating on what the right thing is for me to do. i'm making the decision a lot more complicated than it needs to be because i find myself at a crossroads. kevin gave me great advice. keep looking, he said. i ended up bawling my head off about my life, while he held me and comforted me. i cried about a lot of things, maybe even everything. i went home and cried some more and prayed to god make something happen. i got up this morning and took a prozac. |
sarahsarah |
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i didn't get your email (!?!) ack. |
in the mean time maybe you can email me your plans coming up? if ya wanna |
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i think i'm mildly bipolar. i am in such a great mood, and have been for a while. not manic, just wildly joyful and exuberant. my new house rocks. my new roommate rocks. her mom rocks. her friends rock. we go out and do fun stuff all the time. my boyfriends rock. my job rocks. i finally had a breakthrough and there is a definitive emotional break from kevin. i'm going to hawaii in less than 24 hours. my thighs and booty are pudgy and i'm okay with it. i started going to step aerobics again and love it. i can do hanumanasana and my roommate, who is a former multi national championship winning gymnast is teaching me free handstand. oh, and did i tell you what happened with kelly? get this. i saw him at a party last saturday. he just returned from a month long visit to the big island to visit his folks. he parked himself next to me the whole night, talking my ear off, and told everyone we were going to move back to hawaii together. when i left, he walked me out to my car and kissed me. kissed me kissed me. and i let him. and you know what? it was a great kiss. but you know what else? now i know that boy is nothing but a tease. spell broken. yyeeeaaaahhhhh. uh huh uh huh. |
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yeah, that's about the mentality. today i am once again amazed at the utter cluelessness of human males. there must be a "clueless" trait automatically attached to the Y chromosome. i'm sorry, but it's true. it holds true for even the most enlightened, progressive, and self-actualized men i've known. most of the time i can brush it off as expected, sometimes even amusing. today i am just annoyed by it. clueless, i tell you. fuckin fuckity fuck. |
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i think i'm mildly bipolar." "By sarah on Monday, September 15, 2003 - 04:55 pm: yeah, that's about the mentality. today i am once again amazed at the utter cluelessness of human males." |
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jeeez. get a sense of humor about yourself already. |
Of course a serious lack of self awareness on your part is also possible. |
that they don't give a rats ass about some things and unfortunately sometime those things are very important to a woman. they also seem completely incapable of detecting the female undercurrent that makes women catty. |
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sweet jesus can i get an AMEN. |
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this attitude exactly one of the issues perhaps i should have said deciphering instead of detecting maybe you just don't understand what you call irrational and to this i say, fuck you, you ass. |
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games? i'm no so sure about that. the majority of women will pretty much spell it all out for you in very plain language. and the thing is, it's so so so easy to be a good boyfriend/lover/husband. it's easy to keep a woman happy in a relationship. i swear to you it's true. if you don't find it easy, then you are blind, deaf, and unwilling. so what i'm saying is, it would be easy, that is, except for the ubiquitious clueless gene. go ahead and be angry with me for stating this, that's fine. i'm not trying to hurt anyone's feelings, this is just an observation, which has held true through both good and not so good relationships. |
I'm not convinced (by my own observations and through what others have told me) that women have a monopoloy on irrationality. Where I see SOME discernable differences based on gender, it seems to be HOW that irrationality manifests, not whether it is there or not. |
I'm not convinced (by my own observations and through what others have told me) that women have a monopoloy on irrationality. Where I see SOME discernable differences based on gender, it seems to be HOW that irrationality manifests, not whether it is there or not. |
On the surface it seems that it's easy to be a good boyfriend/lover/husband because you know how you want to be treated. But everyone comes into relationships with expectations and baggage and sometimes these things conflict. And it's not fair to say that it's because men are programmed to be clueless. I refuse to believe that all the crap relationship problems I had in the pre-Sem years were just because the men were clueless...as if I was so perfect and enlightened and easy to deal with all the time. A lot of people just suck. And some suck a little less but still remind us of how others suck. And it's just easier to remember that. It's hard, if not impossible, to maintain a cool, composed, rational view of humanity in the face of suckiness...we always fall back to our own experiences, to the stuff that stands out the most, which unfortunately is the sucky stuff. |
everything in this world isn't rational. we're mind and spirit, not just mind. and sarah, it's not that we're inherently clueless. the obvious isn't obvious to the uninitiated. |
sheesh. |
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i mean, it's just me talking shit. |
. It's easy enough for a man to keep a woman happy in a relationship given two things: *She's willing to let him make her happy *The necessary actions don't conflict with his own happiness. . I owe my entire dating history to the irrationality of women. I mean, what rational explanation could there be for women wanting to date me? :) I won't even go into sex. . Women are incredibly fascinating to me. It goes beyond sex or compantionship or any of that... People in general are interesting to observe, but in my estimation, men are much more likely to be really boring. Must be all that rationality. Women are great. . Women also scare the bajeezus out of me. Really. Just short of phobia. |
Pure and simple, if it weren't for the fact that I have a very normal affliction for them, and thought of seeing other men's cocks scares me. I'd be gay. |
The thought of asssex does scare me a bit. A couple of guys have tried to stick a finger or two up there and I'm just no. Not yet. I've read about it and it just seems.... bizarre. |
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I agree. I think everyone operates by an internal logic that's consistent within their one person but may not be evident to someone else who doesn't know them well. The danger comes when one person tries to evaluate another person's actions by their own logical system. Everyone has hot issues and has a network of stimuli that will trigger those issues. Sometimes you can't control the emotions that result in those issues arising, and that's not necessarily bad. Emotional reactions aren't signs of weakness, and a lack of emotional reactions isn't a sign of strength. The thing is, you should try to know yourself as well as you can, and learn to recognize when you are angrier at someone or something than is warranted, because your baggage has become involved. Then you can take responsibility for your anger and not put all the blame on the other person. |
Plus, it's not like you can please every individual the same way, so while now I apparently make Kazu very happy with really not much effort on my part (do not read that as I that I do not spend any effort on that, or that I take her for granted), in the past I feel like I busted my ass to please girlfriends and was dumped unceremoniously no matter how hard I tried. And my basic methods haven't changed. So they were resounding failures until the spectacular success. Anyway, cluelessness and irrationality in gender issues aside, what happened Sarah? That's what I wanted to know in the first place! |
i swear you're nico posting under such a psuedonym as to fuck with my head. you guys clearly went to the same school of chick. being with women is NOT the easiest thing and neither is being with men, Im sure. There are, in general, differences in the way men and women approach and deal with problems and emotions. Sometimes the friction and susbequent misunderstanding can be too much. Being with one women for almost a decade its far from easy and simple. Its a constantly evolving, amorphous intangible with fewer constants than variables. The challenge is being able to roll and mold with the variables. Inflexibility will kill you. ANd spider you hit a major nail in that last paragraph. Recognizing your behavior is fucked and at least offering something conciliatory in the interim until you cool off can stave off numerous a fight. |
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a man and woman meet and spend some time getting to know each other over the course of a few group social outings. after a few of these group social outings, he tells a mutual friend that he is interested in this woman. the mutual friend then tells the woman this information. the woman is happy because she also is interested in him. so the woman gets up the courage to ask the man out on a one-on-one date. her: would you like to go see Concert A with me next Saturday night? him: i don't know. Concert B is playing that same night and i don't want to pass that one up. i'll get back to you. discuss. |
btw, i liked your movie. can you go ahead and please remove edie brickell from my brain now? |
if he's interested, he'll act. |
Did your mutual friend tell him you like him? |
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people. the above scenario has nothing to do with me. i'm dating the ass doctor. thanks dave. hope you didn't view it on a laptop, looks like shit on a laptop and looks great projected onto a big screen. sorry about the edie song. |
1- i'm sorry, i already have plans, maybe we should do something another time [even better to suggest that thing] 2- hey, that sounds fun but X is also playing and i planned to go, do you want to come along? |
Really, she shouldn't have those expectations period. It's one of those ways that women are clueless. Men are really easy to keep happy. All you have to do is keep the drama over insignificant things to a minimum. Oh, and blowjobs. |
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. And if he's clueless about how she feels about him, it's probably because he didn't have a mutual friend give him the lowdown first. |
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Maybe it's the moon. |
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given the assumption that the man and the woman both are interested in getting to know each other better and seeing if there's something more between them, i consider his answer to be a somewhat selfish and maybe even immature response. for example: let's say the doctor had called me on that wednesday and asked me to meet him for a beer, and i said, no thank you, i have to go to my yoga class. at one time in my life i would have done just that, back when my whole life revolved around exercise and losing weight. it was a very self-centered goal and my life in general at that time was very self-centered. but now i realize that sometimes there are more important things - that one night at the gym or at yoga can be sacrificed if something else comes up that is worthy of my time and attention. if i had said no to him that evening, sure, perhaps he would have called and tried to ask me out again, but then again, maybe not. people are funny about how they handle rejection. and i would have passed up an opportunity of the unknown for the known. so i said to myself, screw it, i can go one night without yoga, i want to see what the ass doctor is all about. there will be another yoga class. there will be another Concert B. there may or may not be another opportunity for a First Date. |
I dunno his reasons. If I was the guy and wasn't already committed to going to the B Concert, I'd probably have gone with her... Actually, I probably would have just put my foot in my mouth. . Why wouldn't there be another chance for a first date? |
Not likely. Sometimes people actually have other plans. Maybe he had plans with someone else. If I had tickets to a show and was expecting to go with someone, I would be pissed if they blew me off for a date that they could have made for another time. What was his tone? Was he surprised? Did you witness said exchange? Was that even EXACTLY what he said? There are always second chances in situations like these. At least now he knows she is interested. He can take it from there. If he doesn't, it's his loss. But so what? Is this the only guy in the world she could ever possibly attracted to? Okay so that's big-picture and doesn't get at the fact that this can be irritating, and I'm not denying that. But I have to say that this, if it even is one, is a little teeny tiny rejection. We should all be so lucky to go through them...it means we weren't afraid to try. All of this seems really petty for no good reason. |
once, in a while don't mix those two up. |
I still dated some, when it was convenient. Nothing really worked out, but I made some great friends out of the guys who didn't work out. I think it is just a part of life we all have to go thru. Nothing really wrong with it. But I am young, so maybe I see it differently than if I were going thru that phase now. Now my biological clock is over, and marriage and kids are handled, so it doesn't really matter that I was like that before. I guess it is different for different people, but I wouldn't feel bad, or petty, or selfish. We all need that sometimes. |
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Sorry, you can't mention something that I actually know about without me going off. |
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I'm here because they would dock pay, which I can't afford, if I stayed home. Even though there are nearly 2 million people in the area without power, there is major flooding in DC and Alexandria, and the trains from VA and MD aren't running. Fucking bastards. |
my armpits smell like pepperoni. civilization began in this hemisphere. |
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Of course they were here before the sandals. Someone had to make the sandals, right? Doot! "In Europe" he says. "Moving in kayaks" he says. I've been drinking with rebounding boy since ten (my time) and he didn't kiss me. Grrrrr. I needed some make out time. I want kisses from people I know to be good kissers (or maybe not that but warm feel good kisses from people I enjoy). I want time to sleep before work (the next shift begins at ten again). Maybe I shold call Pete tomorrow. Pete kisses and doesn't injure my breasts or demand less modesty, but he has horrible teeth that remind me of dinosaurs. A trade off. I haven't seen Pete in forever. Maybe I would stay out of trouble if he were around. Gol. I am a stupid git girlthing who talks about boys and blames my actions on others. I am going to bed and nobody's gonna stop me and tomorrow. Tomorrow I'll be a zombie. |
funniest movie ever that did not intend to be funny [but how couldn't it you ask? ah-ha!] you should not go to movies when you have an oppressive headache, but by then it was too late. i skipped coffee to sleep but couldn't find any pain relievers. woke up 8 hours later with the same blinding headache. that's never happened before. stumbled to the corner store for aspirin. took 4. at least i can see now . :) i have 4 things i'm supposed to do today. first this side of the bay, then the city, then back, then back to the city. fairly sure that not all of it is going to happen. and my brakes are grinding. GRINDING. it's awful, and of course i can't take it in until monday and even that will be so inconvenient. i've waited cause i keep having to go to the permit office during the day and really, how else would i get there? i am making a corned beef. it smells *so* lovely. |
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VV you're getting really fucking creepy. |
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It is good to know that you chew nipples si I can steer clear if you happen to be in the neighborhood. At first I thought you were a slightly cool person but now I just feel dirty. This isn't fun. I might have to get off the internet for awhile. As much as I like this site there's too much weird stuff going on lately. |
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And dammit, that link worked in the preview! |
Nibble slightly maybe, but never chew. Damn, and I thought I was having issues. |
Breast jerky, although not popular as a snack food, is capable of sustaining the sherpas of nepal for several days on the mountain sides. |
so heather, platy....you chicks hang out and stuff? i didnt put two and two together before. |
Besides have to go to work on friday how did you make out with Hurricane Isabel? |
No lights. No TV. No air conditioning. No water. My wife missed all the fun. She's in the hospital and they have backup systems. |
I wonder how that happened? |
Lately I've been on the internet a ton, which I don't need to do. I have a show in a month (which may or may not be happening because something strange is going on and I keep on losing things that are supposed to go in the albums I bound last week. The internet is sucking my life away, all too apparent this last week. My room's a mess, my social life is deteriorating and I'm not getting things done. Thus I will refrain from being actively connected for a wee bit. |
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I'm real sorry you had to work friday. But, you know how it is - the almighty dollar rules. I was real lucky friday night. I had left visiting my wife in the hospital and went searching for ice to keep the fridge cold. Every place I checked was out. Grocery stores, convience stores, and liquer stores were all out. Then I checked a russian grocery. They had just recieved a delivery. The ice company driver was loading their freezer. He looked up saw me and handed me a 16 lb. bag. I was thrilled. Since the power came back on I still have a lot of it left. Anybody want some ice? |
This is sad, I was actually going to do this. One less thing to worry about, I guess. |
gallerys suck. do it salon style. at your house or someone else's. its a lot more fun that way. |
Where are you located? What gallery was going to show your work? Why are they closed? Maybe they will reopen and reschedule your showing. |
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seriously. it's that good. |
NEAT! |
The internet has sucked away my will to live. |
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It's not really a gallery. It's a gallery/microtheater/arcade/internet cafe/coffee shop/hangout. I might just start a place of my own. I'd call it home. |
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I knew I didn't dream the quote up: "Hello, little one. I shall name you Banjo. You are mighty small, little Banjo, and your flippers are tired. But one day, you will become Banjo, King of the Sea Monkeys!" And then I think banjo was bad, and he had to kill banjo because banjo didn't know his own strength and it made him sad because he loved banjo. did I dream that part up? |
Banjo, King of the Sea Monkeys!!! maybe i'm in a strange goofy mood this morning but i definately got a kick out of that. |
it came into my head because heather made a reference to the bay and going on one side or the other. then i thought of you remembering you're on the ass end of the bay. naturally.... |
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of course a certain individual would be barred from the game. im sorry was that inappropriate? |
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You know, put patricks head on eri's torso with Hal's furry legs. That sort of thing. |
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I corrected it for you, but I don't understand what the half melon has to do with your mole. |
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Vv, how did you make your money, if I may ask and you haven't told us already? |
"Not mine. There are no naked pics of Ms. Pez in existence " -Yet... |
here's the context: when I was first hired here, I was brought on in the middle of a project, excavting a brick factory. This was in March 2001. I was not involved in any of the decisions on where to excavate and what data to collect, well, I did have some input but not much. I was there to give some insight as my specialty is industrial archaeology and the client demanded the company bring an industrial archaeologist on board for the site. My job was to write it all up. So, fine. We were severely limited in what we could do by the client's staff archaeologist, who was utterly incompetent and stupid, and tied our hands so that we ended up scrambling at the end of the alloted time for fieldwork to collect as much data as we could. so, I produce a draft report and send it in, noting that a lot of data still needed to be assimilated and that the figures were only in there to give an idea of what the actual final figures would represent. THis was submitted in October 2001. we recieved comments back in March 2002, asking for a 6-week turn around on extensive comments. so we did that and delivered another draft in June 2002. I just recieved two sets of comments back on that draft. Begin rant: THESE PEOPLE ARE THE BIGGEST FRICKING IDIOTS ON THE PLANET!!!!!!! One set of comments is 5% legitimate and 95% retarded and uninformed. the reading comprehension of these retards is abysmal. Furthermore, the tone of the comments is written as if the reviewer has a personal grudge against me. Also, FUCK MY OLD BOSS UP THE ASS. Many of the comments that need to be addressed, I won't be able to because my old boss went in to the field without any consideration as to how to excavate to answer the research questions, and he never instructed the crew to collect data specific to the research questions. THIS ENTIRE PROJECT IS UTTERLY AND IRREDEEMABLE FUCKED IN THE ASS. I can't read this one fuckwad's comments without becoming enraged at his stupidity and wanting to beat the crap out of him. The head archaeologist before my old boss quit rather than have to deal with these imbeciles. That guy was a FRICKIN GENIUS. ARRRRRGGGH........... end rant. |
but, uhm, seriously, i totally understand your pain. you describe the typical software project. clients are morons and management is there to make everything ten times more difficult. |
The time delay on my SLR doesn't work, I take my film to work (I'd have to take it somewhere else) and it's not like I just stop in the middle of things and dig out a camera... "Here, take pictures." Sem, maybe you should correct the comments and send that back along with what data you have. |
I have a really nice Canon Digital that I'll bring with me, the time delay is awsome, not to mention it will take 16x16 pico type shots. Its really cool. Can get a good action round or so. |
hm. |
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In other words, doubtful. Very doubtful. I do have a tripod. |
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asshole. |
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that whole "godfather of soul" thing must be one big fucking joke then, eh? |
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Sounds like VV has a little confusion going on....whenI think of music that is a bit sad and forlorn, I tend to go to my blues section. Not my soul section. |
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"No, Matt and I are still not together. Things were going well, we talked about moving in together and possibly someday getting married. Then one night he got up because the cat's were bothering his allergies...he left my apt. and never called again." wow. And he's not dead. I feel terrible for her. This was just in June and it was the closest she's ever come to a serious relationship. |
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that sucks. but man, sometimes people just wig out. not that it's a good thing, but better it happened to her now than later, after they moved in together. |
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A. something else was going on that she didn't know about, or B. he needs serious professional help That story is just plain weird, in a sad way for your friend. |
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