more. than. i. can. explain Are you pissed off?: more. than. i. can. explain
By Asia on Thursday, June 18, 1998 - 10:23 am:
    my mother in law invited herself, and my father in law to come on vacation with us. they're planning on staying 'just for a night! at a motel! and we'll all go out to dinner!'. this means, translated, that they want to stay in the house we rented. let's do the math: that would be SIX adults, a 4 year old and 2 dogs. read: romantic walks on the beach with my MOTHERINLAW along. my colon is clenching in anticipation.


By Jim aka PajamaBoy on Thursday, June 18, 1998 - 11:27 am:
    And what does your husband have to say about this? If it's JUST going to be one night is it so bad? Or does the translation mean they want to spend the ENTIRE vacation with you?

By Whet on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 12:21 am:
    Mother in laws (MIL's) are EVIL.
    PURE EVIL <play dark looming music at this point>

    You say the black cloud potentially decends upon your vacation?

    Forget about the direct approach, it just don't work at all. I've tried.
    Here's what you can do:

    Take chicken bones, cast them in a circle.
    Sit in the lotus position then levitate (thats a really nice touch but just squatting will do)...
    Sprinkle salt and pepper from above as you mumble passages from a book written in tongue, totally incomprehensible except for one high pitched squeal at the end closely resembling her name.

    Its not gonna ward her off, cast a spell or anything, that shit don't really work.
    Do it after she gets there, while she's watchin.

    Then mabe she'll think *you're* the one thats crazy as hell and will leave your ass alone!



By Asia on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 08:43 am:

    my husband cant say anything to her about it--it's his MOM. No matter how evil she may be, it's still mom. im sure this will start out as a 'we're JUST going to stay one night! at this motel! but will turn into the entire time when the get ready to leave, and the sky is looking a little rainy and dad's knees are acting up, and they dont want to drive in the rain.

    i will give you a story to demonstrate the point of her evilness: go back 10 years. one of my vast multitutes of sister-in-laws (i married into a tribe: my husband is the youngest of 9) is graduating from HS. she's winning all of these awards for stuff, acting, writing, whatever. everyone is cheering and yaying for her as she goes across the stage. after it's over, she runs to her mother, awards in hand and looks to her, as one would do to a mother, for some encouragement or words of praise. my mother in law looked at her and said 'that's very nice, but it's a shame you were so fat up there, for everyone to look at you!'

    more stories? another sister-in-law had a brain stem aneurysm. in a coma, brain moniters, tubes, wires, the surgeons gave her maybe 24 hours to live, my brother in law is FREAKING OUT, they have a 10 year old son and a ONE WEEK OLD infant (she had given birth the week before), everyone is in a FRENZY. my mother in law calls another of her children. i cant remember which one and says 'well, i think it would probably be best for him to pull the plug on her RIGHT NOW, let her die, so he can get on with his life.' this, maybe 3 days after it happened.

    i wont even go INTO what happened the night she (Sis in law) died. OR what she did after my wedding. Grrrrrr.

    so, do i want to share a night with this woman? no. she's more than welcome to come up and stay at our house and take over our lives and torment our dogs for a week, but do it when im at WORK and i dont have to see her constantly. it's bad enough to come HOME TO. i dont even want to consider what it would be like to have to be on vacation with her.

By Asia on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 08:45 am:
    oh, and whet:

    can a book be written in tounge?

    just asking 8)

By Whet on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 09:24 am:
    Not a question of can but a question of how
    If there's a how there's always someone that can!

    Requires a good bit of skill, flexibility, the utmost of articulation,
    and of course:

    FDA approved ink...

    Linquistic skills quite cunning I'd say.

    Sounds like your MIL is incapable of ever writing said book in tongue.
    For he who speaks with forked tongue

    ummm he who speaks with forked tongue....

    damn. I need coffee. brain asleep.
    I'll get back to you on that one :)

By Asia on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 11:12 am:

By Blindswine on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 02:31 pm:
    asia... a few things you may want to take on vacation with you:

    holy water
    cattle prod

    i'll get you the number to the vatican later; i don't really consider myself christian, but it's looking like we've got the anti-christ on our hands nonetheless.

    i don't wanna get personal, but your ma-in-law sounds like she's got the spirit of a jackal and the warmth of a gutter-snake.

    i guess they must be running low on souls in the big shop in the sky; seems like i keep meeting people who seem to be born without one.

By Asia on Friday, June 19, 1998 - 03:34 pm:

    she is evil. and the humorous, but not suprising thing about her is that she's roman catholic. gotta love those roman catholics. she, however, fancies herself like a HIP roman catholic. sort of keep your hands off my womb RC. easy for her to do NOW, after she shot out 10 kids. she's going to heaven, as far as SHE's concerned.

    evil story x 3:

    after the lovely comment about pulling the plug on sister-in-law, she was also quoted as lamenting "WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME?" i was like, honey, you play so little a part in this story it isnt even FUNNY.

    she pulled something like that with me--sent me email, reversing her previous claims and declaring 'ohh...i wish that it had been me, instead of her'

    always the martyr, never the saint.

    i hate her.

    oh, and she's a FOLLOWER. when she and my dad in law come up, they always stay with us because we have no kids (she had 10 kids, and yet hates her grandkids...funny...) and ill go outside to get away from her and smoke and have a second of peace and no talking and she will FOLLOW ME outside.


By Whet on Saturday, June 20, 1998 - 12:03 am:
    ahhh as midnight falls upon my weary mind, I conclude:

    For he that speak with forked tongue...
    speaks only with the devil!

By Oddball Odd on Thursday, June 25, 1998 - 11:27 am:
    I have a Roman Catholic mother and she holds a candle to your mother-in-law. I have been married for 18 years to the most wonderful woman on earth, but when we were first married my mother did everything in her power to poison the marriage. We have a 16 year old son who was given slight regard by my parents growing up...but the OTHER grandkids are treated like 24 carat gold...maybe because my son is half Latino and the rest are cute little rosie-cheeked white kids (don't get me wrong, they are little darlings).

    My theory is that religious people are religious because they need god, like a drug, to anesthetize the monstrous feelings and acts they carry around with them.

    My mom is not as bad as the way you describe your
    MIL. If I was you, I would tell her to eat shit!!! ...and let the cards fall where they will.

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