| THIS IS A READ-ONLY ARCHIVE FROM THE SORABJI.COM MESSAGE BOARDS (1995-2016). |
|---|
Kazu: "How many babies do you want?" Me: "oh, two i guess." Kazu: "Not seven?" Me: "No." Kazu: "You hate babies." |
Andrew: Yeah but your body is totally fucked up. Me: But I HAD an operation. And the last one was fine. Andrew: And the doctor said you would be fine now?. Me: Yeah. Andrew: AND YOU BELIEVED HIM? (shock horror kind of voice). Me: no. |
mistreau: your into hairy women correct? accustat: absolutely! accustat: you? mistreau: I was wondering if you have any info on a website where I can find more hairy women mistreau: And yes I am!, very much so accustat: i was kinda hoping YOU would know of some online joints accustat: you'd think women in personals would be more upfront about it mistreau: I know what you mean accustat: its like, it should be a checkbox, much like....say... eye color accustat: brown eyes, brunette, amazonian cooter bush mistreau: Yum!!1 accustat: the yahoo group is the only place i've really found, but then again, i dont really do the pay sites mistreau: Yeah, unless there is like a 2$ trial I don't mess with them accustat: my wife would kill me accustat: besides, she'd think im a freak mistreau: Same here haha accustat: isnt it weird though...you see some of these images of chicks....and they are soooo hairy, and its like, oh my god, were they trapped in a time void, because its seems evolution/meme-wise, we are evolving away from the hair. its like you see some hot italian broad with cooter hair down to her knee caps and you have to wonder what sexy cave she crawled out of mistreau: you have broadband? accustat: nah accustat: i mean, i do, im at work, but its nothing im looking to take advantage of accustat: does your wife let it all hang out? mine doesnt as much as i wish she would mistreau: Mine doesn't either mistreau: She trims all the time :/ accustat: pfffffft accustat: whats up with that accustat: who are they trying to please? mistreau: I know haha accustat: besides, my wife is a red head. they don't grow like kudzoo down there anyway mistreau: damn, that would be sexy if it did though mistreau: I love red hair haha accustat: i think my 'fetish' for the hairy chicks is the straight up 70s lookin italian type. hell, im even game for mustaches on chicks mistreau: hair everywhere is my motto accustat: well, hey dude, im gonna split, good luck in your quest for hairy broads mistreau: alight, good luck to you also |
RxxxCxxx: yeah.. wtf Gallows fodder (me): i don't know. oh, you need to seal the wood with polyurethane first and then spray it with adhesive before and after you put the stuff on there and then coat it with sealant or some shit like that. RxxxCxxx: 'or some shit like that"... that is some mouth you have! Gallows fodder: dude, i was kidding! ... RxxxCxxx: i fucking hate computers Gallows fodder: ok Gallows fodder: [] Gallows fodder: hee hee! RxxxCxxx: [] Gallows fodder: [] Gallows fodder: did you get that, or did it just look like :~( RxxxCxxx: uhh.. Gallows fodder: what? Gallows fodder: WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU? Gallows fodder: :O) RxxxCxxx: I AM AIN IDIOT Gallows fodder: oh, man! I didn't mean to send the bear smiley! RxxxCxxx: dude.. RxxxCxxx: no. Gallows fodder: did you do something horrible to your CD-R? Gallows fodder: no what? RxxxCxxx: i don't know!! RxxxCxxx: i'm ready to SMASH Gallows fodder: your hardware? RxxxCxxx: CUT YOUR FACE RxxxCxxx: I GO NOW Gallows fodder: me??? RxxxCxxx: TALK TO YOU LATER Gallows fodder: ok RxxxCxxx: BYE BYE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1 Gallows fodder: bye ******* A new one: Spider's Dad: Did you eat yet? Spider: No Spider's Dad: Why not? Spider: Because I'm not hungry Spider's Dad: Even better (Jesus, I know I'm not thin but give me a break. I can't eat a thing in front of him without him commenting.) |
me: so i suppose you're voting for bush again <grimace> dad: HELLS YEAH!! me: groan dad: i sure as hell ain't votin for someone who's PRO-ABORTION!! me: right, the killing has to be done after the person is born, eh? dad: that's not the issue [weird dad accent courtesy of me] |
Me: Did you ask us when you were supposed to pay your tuition? Student: No. Me: That's probably why we didn't tell you, then. ~ Julian: Are you talking to your boyfriend? Me: Yes. Yes, I am. (on phone) Ron, you're my boyfriend now. Ron: yay! Are you my girlfriend? Me: I think that's how it works. Ron: Woohoo! Me: We're just like Romeo & Juliet. You can be Juliet. Ron: What, so I have to die? Me: I have to die first! Ron: Do I really have to die? Me: Yes. In fact, I will have to insist that if I ever die, you immidiately follow me into the great beyond. Ron: Thanks, Mel. ~ |
|
sm_co: Cum On Me Sweetheat rsm_co: ur a member of teh group accustat: oh accustat: really? rsm_co: my wife is posted there accustat: which one is she? rsm_co: holly accustat: nice rsm_co: i love her covered accustat: thats awesome rsm_co: u cum pics?> accustat: no rsm_co: ? accustat: kinda weird dont you think? rsm_co: not really rsm_co: lots of guys do it accustat: guys do lots of weird things rsm_co: so why u a member accustat: i like dirty pictures rsm_co: I send more pics to guys who do it on her accustat: so you solicit these images for the goo? accustat: thats so weird rsm_co: the guys love it rsm_co: they get special pics accustat: special? accustat: hm rsm_co: yep accustat: well, that makes sense since its especially weird that people devote such an effort to the practice accustat: are you german? rsm_co: nope rsm_co: she is accustat: figures rsm_co: ? accustat: germans have some of their weirdest libidos ive ever seen accustat: based on the porn i come across rsm_co: lets see u are a member of a group u live in Hollywood and u think the ppl here are lame? accustat: no no accustat: not lame. accustat: just weird rsm_co: lame weird same thing accustat: not to me accustat: weird people can be interesting rsm_co: and if we like doing this how are we anymor eweid than u r for being here accustat: you got a point accustat: i guess i am weird accustat: but i still dont jizz on pictures accustat: nor do i wear panty hose accustat: thats also weird accustat: that and pink chiffon sweaters. some guys do that you know rsm_co: ur a virgin accustat: me? no. ive had sex many times |
|
moreover, didnt say anything was wrong with those with German descent. |
|
|
it wasn't just closer. it was MORE closer. heeee!! I'm sorry. It's been a long day. I love you all! |
accustat: its possible accustat: what are your measurements nastymmformore: well my dick is 11" maybe 12" and fat accustat: hmm nastymmformore: the rest of me is 6'1", 210lbs, in shape accustat: thats considerable accustat: how about your sack nastymmformore: i am a heavy cummer too accustat: whats the diameter of your sack accustat: now see, thats a problem accustat: we dont like a lot of mess nastymmformore: my balls hang accustat: how low? becuase we need certain clearance for our devices nastymmformore: well i could cum before we meet so that most of it is out already nastymmformore: what do you mean clearance? accustat: you know. clearance. like on the highway, the bridges spec their clearance height so trucks don't go plowing into them? accustat: can i have measurements of your sack please? thats important nastymmformore: i guess they hang down maybe 3 or 4 inches accustat: no nastymmformore: i am not sure i have never measured how low they hang accustat: you arent understanding. how AROUND are they. accustat: not hang accustat: take a tape measure and measure around nastymmformore: oh sorry accustat: get with it man nastymmformore: didn't understand nastymmformore: hold on accustat: id like to hold on alright accustat: to a sock with a couple of door knobs in them if you get my drift big boy nastymmformore: probably my balls are alittle less then a door knob accustat: really? accustat: that might be a problem accustat: the wife has a thing for huge nuts nastymmformore: really accustat: yeah. nastymmformore: did you see my pic on my profile? accustat: if you cant give me a specific measurement, we might have to break this off nastymmformore: let me measure them then hold on nastymmformore: well if i am measureing right i would show 1 nut to be about 8" around accustat: 8"? accustat: she usually wont settle for anything less than 10" accustat: im talking softball size gonads dude nastymmformore: well if i measure both of them around my hole sake is 18" around accustat: im sorry. this must end. accustat: good luck |
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
|
No, for some reason, that story came into my head last night -- I remembered the guy saying something to her after...um, afterwards...like, "Please go now, there's something I want to watch on TV" -- so I wanted to see the story again to confirm. |
|
|
|
I cannot see the words 'monkey pants' without thinking of Oz. |
|
bus driver: he was a good kid! Everybody thought so. so what happened was, he killed one of my mama's friends and got sent to jail for 20 years. when he got out, he robbed his daddy and went right back to jail! other woman: terrible! i don't know where he went wrong! whatever happened to timothy? i thought he was a fine man when he was younger. i don't think i've seen him around for years. bus driver: oh, you've seen him! most of the time he sittin' outside of a convenience store on the sidewalk waitin' for somebody to walk by so he can ask 'em for money. other woman: really? bus driver: well he usually between a convenience store and a washeteria over in bedford. and all he does with the money is buy liquor. and you know he got epilepsy, has those grand mal seizures. i don't know what he thinks he's doin' drinkin' other woman: that's a shame. i can't believe he came out so bad bus driver: well, he did. i guarantee you've seen him around, you just didn't recognize him. he's just in a shambles. the person i'm sorry for is his mama! i just loved his mama, fine woman. other woman: his daddy was a fine man, too! a hard workin' man! about this time the bus pulls up to the dowtown bus transfer where i get off and catch the #7. on the 7 is a woman who sits in her seat with an open bible in her lap who, for the entire trip, loudly tells the bus driver about her new job, church activities, and other stuff. i get to the shop and one of the women i work with, shannon, is there. i tell her about the dialogue on the #7 and she tells me about her father. shannon: my father was a mean man, always got into fights. i'm surprised he never killed anyone. may have, for all i know. you wouldn't think it to see him, though. he a small man, thin and gangly; i don't know how he managed to win any fights at all. he brass knuckles, though, that he carried around with him. when he died, my mother told me: "i don't care would you do with any of his other possesions, but i want you to take those brass knuckles and get rid of them, throw them in a lake, anything. i don't want those things ever to touch bone again." but i kept them. i still have them. |
Dad: What for? Me: You have some raw chicken that leaked in the refrigerator and I want to clean it up. Dad: Oh, just use a wet papertowel. Me: No, I need to kill the germs. I don't want anyone to get sick. Dad: Ehhhh, it's fine. Me: Hey, I don't want to take any chances. Remember how I almost died from food poisoning when I was a kid, or the e.coli I got last summer? Dad: That's because you're weak. |
|
your dad, as always, is 100% correct. now i'm going to go eat some raw egg and sugar on toast. |
I'll tell him not to eat whole celery stalks out of the bag without washing them anymore, since vegetables are as likely to cause food-borne illness as meats. He told me yesterday that when he was a kid, he used to eat entire apples, core and seeds and all. And also plum pits. Me: But why would you do that? Dad: We were hungry. Me: But plum pits aren't food. They go right through you. Dad: Ehhhh, good roughage. |
Or in Italian, Uove Battate. |
Son Z: I never do. Me: hmmm, are they tasty? Son Z: No they taste like shit. May be that's why I don't like roasted chestnuts. Me: Here, try one without the shell. SonZ: Hey, that's pretty good. Me: Do you think this is worm inside this one? Son Z; nO, IT'S COOKED ANYWAY. nOT MOVING. Ought to be safe to eat. Me: All right. Me: Tastes as bad as those shelss I'd bet. |
|
celery is. celery is awesome. I feel strongly about this. |
Yes, it's got a bite to it not unlike the bite of a marinated artichoke (which are totally acceptable frittata additions), but the artichokes also have a low, grounded note which celery lacks, and the celery would just taste off. I can't explain this articulately to someone with normal taste buds, so talking to him was a real challenge. He was making the frittata for a dinner party with his colleagues, otherwise I wouldn't have opened my mouth. I just didn't want him to show up with a dish that everyone is expecting to be delicious as usual and then spend the evening picking the celery out, either from the dish or from their teeth. |
Fun fact: The river his town was built on had had its bridges bombed by the Allies during WWII, so he and his friends used to pan the river for shrapnel to sell to the traveling tinkers for money. Also: He believed in the Italian version of Santa Claus (La Befana) as a kid because one Christmas, he got some little figures made out of scrap paper and he knew his mother couldn't afford something like that, so La Befana had to be real. This makes me want to cry. For him and his mother. He's downstairs right now, watching Battlestar Galactica and fast-forwarding through anything that's boring. Which to him is most of it. He's hopeless. I was wrong, though, about him eating bread made with sawdust. That was the two priests we knew who had lived in Rome during the German occupation; I had gotten their stories mixed up. His family didn't eat bread, just polenta. This is why he laughs when we go to a nice Italian restaurant and sees polenta on the menu like it's something special. |
One young, one old, to offer prayers for the dying To serve the final rite One to learn, one to teach Which was the cold wind blows Fussing and flapping in priestly black Like a murder of crows |
|
Kazu would have serious issues with your dad fast forwarding through any of Battlestar Galactica, Spider. |
i've never heard of "wonder pets." i do have an incredible dog, though. |
|
Then when you ask him what he thinks of the show, he'll say, "Eh, it's all right." IT'S ONLY "ALL RIGHT" BECAUSE FOR 75% OF THE SHOW YOU HAVE ONLY READ THE DIALOGUE IN SUBTITLES WHILE FASTFORWARDING. He does this with movies, too. OF COURSE you didn't like [whatever] -- you can't enjoy anything if you just skim through it for God's sake. |
was pretty disappointing. |
|
|